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Information
for Male Survivors
Rape is a men’s issue for many reasons. One we don’t often
talk about is the fact that men are sexually assaulted. We need to start
recognizing the presence of male survivors and acknowledging their unique
experience. The following questions and answers can help us all learn
about male survivors so that we stop treating them as invisible and start
helping them heal:
How often are men sexually assaulted?
While the numbers vary from study to study, most research suggests that
10-20 percent of all males will be sexually violated at some point in
their lifetimes. That translates into tens of thousands of boys and men
assaulted each year alongside hundreds of thousands of girls and women.
If there are so many male survivors, why don't I know any? Like female
survivors, most male survivors never report being assaulted, even to people
they know and
trust. They fear being ignored, laughed at, disbelieved, shamed, accused
of weakness, or questioned about being gay. Perhaps worst of all, men
fear being blamed for the assault because they were not "man enough"
to protect themselves in the face of an attack. For all these reasons,
many male
survivors remain silent and alone rather than risk further violation by
those around them.
Can a woman sexually assault a man?
Yes, but it’s not nearly as common as male-on-male assault. A recent
study shows that more than 86% of male survivors are sexually abused by
another male. That is not to say, however, that we should overlook boys
or men who are victimized by females. It may be tempting to dismiss such
experiences as wanted sexual initiation (especially in the case of an
older female assaulting a younger male), but the reality is that the impact
of female-on-male assault can be just as damaging.
Don't only men in prison get raped?
While prison rape is a serious problem and a serious crime, many male
survivors are assaulted in everyday environments (at parties, at home,
at church, at school, on the playground), often by people they know --
friends, teammates, relatives, teachers, clergy, bosses, partners. As
with female survivors, men are also sometimes raped by strangers. These
situations tend to be more violent and more often involve a group of attackers
rather than a single offender.
How does rape affect men differently from women?
Rape affects men in many ways similar to women. Anxiety, anger, sadness,
confusion, fear, numbness, self-blame, helplessness, hopelessness, suicidal
feelings and shame are common reactions of both male and female survivors.
In some ways, though, men react uniquely to being sexually assaulted.
Immediately after an assault, men may show more hostility and aggression
rather than tearfulness and fear. Over time, they may also question their
sexual identity, act out in a sexually aggressive manner, and even downplay
the impact of the assault.
Don't men who get raped become rapists?
NO! This is a destructive myth that often adds to the anxiety a male survivor
feels after being assaulted. Because of this misinformation, it is common
for a male survivor to fear that he is now destined to do to others what
was done to him. While many convicted sex offenders have a history of
being sexually abused, most male survivors do not become offenders. The
truth is that the great majority of male survivors have never and will
never sexually assault anyone.
If a man is raped by another man, does it mean he's gay?
NO, again! While gay men can be raped (often by straight men), a man getting
raped by another man says nothing about his sexual orientation before
the assault, nor does it change his sexual orientation afterwards. Rape
is primarily prompted by anger or a desire to harm, intimidate or dominate,
rather than by sexual attraction or a rapist’s assumption about
his intended victim’s sexual preference. Because of society’s
confusion about the role that attraction plays in sexual assault and about
whether victims are responsible for provoking an assault, even heterosexual
male survivors may worry that they somehow gave off "gay vibes"
that the rapist picked up and acted upon. For a gay man,especially one
who is not yet out of the closet, the possibility that he is broadcasting
his "secret sexual identity" to others without even knowing
it can be particularly upsetting.
How should I respond if a man I know tells me he has been
assaulted?
While there may be some differences in how rape impacts a male versus
a female survivor of sexual assault, the basics of supporting survivors
are the same for men as for women. Believe him. Know what your community’s
resources are and help him explore his options. Don’t push and don’t
blame. Ask him what he wants and listen. Be cautious about physical contact
until he’s ready. Get help for yourself.
Where can male survivors go for help?
Every community has its own services for survivors of sexual violence,
including local or campus-based rape crisis centers. Most of these places
have on-site counselors trained in working with male survivors or can
refer men who have been assaulted to professionals in the area who can
help.
P.O. BOX 57144
WASHINGTON, DC
20037
(202) 265-6530
info@mencanstoprape.org
www.mencanstoprape.org
© 1998, 2001 Men Can Stop Rape
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